After third experience of sabeej-samadhi (with seed awakening) for few months I could not understand what that experience was. Am I going to become mad? I have taken wrong decision to jump full time into inner journey?
After few months of intense trouble and many sleepless nights I realised that there is no way to step back from my decision. Whatever be the outcome I have to even practice more meditation and study more from books of enlightened masters. Earlier my reading was limited to The Geeta and used to contemplate for its meaning and more than four times I have read it in such way one strange at a time from 2007-2013. In last one+ year I have revised it two more times.
I decided that it is enough of Geeta in my life and started reading books of Ramakrishna Pramhansa, Maharshi Ramana and works of Vivekananda, original texts downloaded from US Archive.
I have already read ‘complete works of Vivekananda’ in 1992, as I have purchased its 150th anniversary edition from my first salary from job in Bombay from Sarvodaya Sahitya, Churchgate.
During riots after Babri Demolition, I was alone at my residence so read all most from ten volumes except letters. My quest for inner journey begun that day.
Later I shifted to some old Osho books that were with me, there I got hint to intensify my awareness meditation that i was practicing during brushing to all day activities.
So from 2016 end I was trying hard to become aware in all my activities all the day. Rarely I could remember it but initially even if only one moment in any activity I could remember and practice it, it was big achievement for me. Slowly slowly I am making my way out of most ancient and Great Wall of mind, and by June 2017 I was able to practice it during my journey into city bus or local train. During shopping few moments of activity full of awareness during shopping in mall. The world is biggest challenge for meditators, but any success there increases confidence like anything.
It was a day of hectic shopping in July end, as my son was about to leave for perusing higher studies in August end.
We were returning to home by city bus, and I kept trying being aware in crowded bus too. To some extent I succeeded intermittently but I was very satisfied, as Osho says that it was the market where you need to succeed in being aware or mindful of you or your activity.
After returning from market my son started preparing paper work and sitting on floor I was searching something in files in cupboard below his table. That moment again it strikes in my mind to try searching in file being aware. Success of being aware in crowded market has raised my confidence. So I started searching being aware and after few moments it happened like I fell into emptiness around me and whole infinite existence was visible at a glance, it was death like experience.
Before I could decipher it was gone, but I was not the same person as before. This is the transformative experience of diving in emptiness. The moment I realised myself it is gone, so I concluded that it was a chance coincidence that no-mind state coincided with no-ego state.
My sleep changed immediately and I used to experience falling slowly into the sleep. The body becomes heavier and sleep enters step by step but I remained awake experiencing all these. To me it was hardly 2-3 hours sleep but I awake refreshed like a full 8 hours sleep. I could remember everything happening around me while I am fast asleep. A special state I was experiencing in which I felt very light whole day. The mind came to rest like state, with thoughts arriving when I needed to do any work. Everyone seems to me as a form of God, Bering same godliness within that I experienced. All along the way I was feeling that I have paid heavy price for my quest, and that became the reason to not to look back again, but after this experience it feels like I have paid nothing in exchange of what I got, I came home. The journey is just begin because it is unending journey. Now it is like a child exploring daily and learning something new daily.
So, I started again reading Osho’s books and listening to his audio talks so as to exactly know what this experience means for future course of actions and what is exactly the next step I needed to take.
Conclusion from my spiritual journey and hints for any person from my experiences:
1) A person can find enough material in his own religious books etc to start spiritual journey early in life.
- Books on Mystics are available in every country and in every religion from where one can learn to filter out garbage in religious text and absorb the essence to be practically applied in one’s journey in life.
- Osho books are of help for people of every country and every religion as they are full of practical tips like: Practicing silence for 24 hours and keeping a journal of what is going in mind with ever change being recorded, or For 24 hours treat everyone and everything as God, or Practice awareness meditation wherever you go to market etc.
- Osho’s books are full of hints for a person who has got some experience in spiritual journey to know exactly what they are and what to do next.
- The more eager you are to get any experience in spiritual journey, the more it gets delayed and the more relaxed way you keep doing meditation just for experiment and joy, the more early you get worthwhile experiences. So avoid setting any goal.
- Experiences in spiritual journey differ in how one created a situation, but the ultimate experience-that is yet to happen for me-is said to be same for all.
- Conditioning done by society or religion or education is major hurdle in one’s spiritual journey. As God is beyond all and above all. It nullifies the effect of meditation or other practices.
- Chances of spiritual experience increase when one decides to give full time to spiritual growth and get socially distanced from society, but still remaining in society and in family serving our duty.
- Applied awareness meditation from sex to every other activities and found that it works in growing from ‘sex towards super consciousness’.
- Remember it is you who is most important and your integrity with yourself is of utmost value. There is no need to go to any meditation centre etc etc.