You become an atheist.
Don’t panic What is there so much fear? God is. There is no need to panic so much in being an atheist. He will not get angry because you are an atheist.
Jesus has said: A father said to his son that you go work in the garden, the crop is ripe. And that son said: I am going now. But he did not go.
Then he told the other son that you go. He said no, I will not go, there are thousand other things to do. But later he regretted and went.
So Jesus asked his disciples: Which of these two sons would be dearer to the father, the one who said yes and didn’t go, or the one who didn’t and went?
The one who didn’t agreed to do it and went, he would be lovely.
You pay attention If you didn’t say ‘no’, your ‘yes’ would be impotent.
There will be no life in it. You said it politely. The father says, that’s why it was said that it is good to go. The people of the house believe that there is God, you have accepted it. Family, society accepts, you accepted. By accepting this way you postponed your search.
This is not your recognition; This is social etiquette. With courtesy you went to the mosque, went to the temple, went to the gurudwara, bowed down — you were not bowing down in the temple-mosque; You are bowing down before the society; You bow down in fear of what people will say!
But if you have refused. You said that until I understand how to believe, at least you declared authenticity; At least you said that I will not commit dishonesty here — I do it in the market, it works fine — I will not commit dishonesty in the temple. I will be honest here. Here, when yes comes, then only I will say.
And till it does not arise from within, does not come from my heart, I will stop till then, till then this neck will not bow down.
And I tell you, God will not be angry with you. Your ‘no’ is the first step towards ‘yes’. At least you have taken the first step of being authentic. And the one who said ‘no’ properly, will say ‘yes’ one day or the other, because who can live in ‘no’, how long can he live! There is no way to live in denial.
No one’s stomach is filled with ‘no’ and ‘no’ does not make blood, neither life comes in the soul, nor breaths move. ‘Yes’ is needed. Supreme faith is required, only then the flower of life blossoms. You say ‘no’, not today, tomorrow, you yourself will be troubled by your ‘no’; Not today, tomorrow, your ‘no’ will start biting you, will start yearning. Then came the right moment to drop it.
There is a great thinker in the West, Jean Paul Sartre. He says, darkness is everything. Sorrow is everything. There is nothing beyond suffering. Beyond sorrow is only the trap of human imagination. Nostalgia is everything. Anger is everything. Panic is everything. There is only hell, there is no heaven. Buddha also knew one day: there is sorrow. Sartre also knew that there is suffering. Even both are together.
Then the paths diverge. Then Buddha discovered why there is sorrow? And if there is sorrow, then the opposite of sorrow will also be the prevention of sorrow? So they went on a quest. Find the cause of sorrow. Find ways to end sorrow. And one day that state has been attained which is of non-suffering; Anand’s Sartre stopped at the first step. Walks a short distance with Buddha, then stops. He says, there is no way forward, it just ends here.
So Sartre started living by accepting the darkness, you too can live like this. Then your life will become one big sadness. Then all the juice will dry out of your life. Then no flowers will bloom in your life, only thorns will remain. Even if a flower blossoms, you will say that it is imagination, you will not accept it. If a flower blossoms in someone else’s life, you will deny that there will be lies, there will be self-deception, there will be deception, there will be dishonesty, there will be no flowers.
So you have locked yourself in the prison with your own hands. Then you will suffer No one else can take you out of this prison. If your own yearning doesn’t give you the strength to rise out and your own pain doesn’t make you the support of new discovery, then who will lift you up? But one day you will wake up, because no one can accept pain forever.
One can be Sartre in one life, cannot be Sartre forever; One can be Sartre today, cannot be Sartre forever; Because the nature of suffering is such that it is impossible to accept it.
The meaning of sorrow is that which we will not be able to accept. Make them understand for a whole hour, extinguish that it’s okay, that’s all, nothing beyond this; But again and again the mind will start going ahead. Because the mind knows deep down, there is happiness. On the same basis, we recognize sorrow. We have known, maybe in deep sleep we have got a little taste of happiness.
The one who knows sorrow is capable of knowing happiness, otherwise he cannot know sorrow. One who has recognized darkness has eyes capable of recognizing light as well. The blind cannot see the dark. Normally we think that the blind must live in the dark. Wrong idea. Eyes are also needed to see the darkness. Darkness is also an appearance of the eye. You can see darkness when you close your eyes, because you have seen darkness.
A person who is born blind cannot even see darkness. Haven’t seen anything, how will it be visible in the dark? So the one who sees darkness has eyes; There is no reason to stop in the dark. And when darkness seems like darkness, then it is clear that there is some source of light hidden within you, otherwise how can darkness be called darkness? There is some criterion within you, somewhere deep down there is a hidden criterion.
If someone stops at darkness, then he is a (amature) atheist; If he recognizes the darkness and goes out in search of light, then he is a real atheist.
(In my opinion a real atheist will soon turns agnostic, because he is now experimenting on self ie subjective research and only his own outcome will satisfy him. And he keeps experimenting new till he finds a solution. Becoming atheist is start of a journey and not the end)
Seeing the darkness, they said that if darkness is everything, then they are pseudo atheists; Knowing the darkness, go on a campaign, go out to find, that there will be light somewhere, when there is darkness then there will be light. Because opposites always exist together.
-Osho talks on Bhakti Sutra of Narad (in Hindi and translated into English using google translate), chapter #4
As we grow we need to become more efficient so as to earn our bread and butter hence we become robotic. While in our childhood we acted consciously during every act. This is why even the work was relaxing like a play. This awareness that we have lost is needed to be regained or discovered.
Awareness meditation is the way worked for me and I tried it first during brushing my teeth in the morning after trying 8-10 meditations over period of 15 years! So there is no need to reinvent the circle for you. May be you too find it suitable otherwise with Dynamic meditation and/or Kundalini in the evening it is suitable for most of the people. There are 110 other meditation techniques discovered by Indian Mystic Gorakhnath about 500years before and further modified by Osho for contemporary people that one can experiment and the suitable one could be practiced in routine life.
Osho says “At any moment you close your eyes, first you will see thoughts, a layer of thinking all around you, thoughts vibrating – one coming, another going – a crowd, a traffic. Remain silent for a few seconds, and suddenly you will see that thinking is no longer there but dreaming has started. You are dreaming that you have become the president of a country, or you have found a brick of gold on the road, or you have found a beautiful woman or a man, and suddenly you start projecting; dreams start functioning. If you continue dreaming for a long time, one moment will come when you will fall asleep – thinking, dreaming, sleep, and from sleep again to dreaming and thinking. This is how your whole life revolves. Real awareness is not known yet, and that real awareness is what Patanjali says will destroy ignorance – not knowledge, but awareness. We collect knowledge just to befool ourselves and others.”—————-Osho, Yoga:The science of the soul.
The mind is biggest hurdle in our inner journey. It is helpful too but only up to a certain altitude after that it needed to be disconnected from it because then it starts creating more trouble. So just like first stage of rocket engine is left to drop on the Earth so that the satellite can be launched in its orbit, our mind too needs to be dropped in subtle way so that even the mind could not recognise being dropped!
Awareness meditation is of great help in getting this job done.
Osho says “The deep problem is: how to become aware, how not to be unconscious. From where to start? Don’t try to fight with some very deep-rooted habit. You will be defeated. Start with very neutral habits.
For example: you go for a walk; just be aware that you are walking. (Try to Walk with witnessing consciousness).
My experiences may be of your help in taking only one step. Because everyone has to move forward alone, this is the nature of this journey.
In my life mindfulness or awareness meditation helped miraculously. Apart from that living a simple, authentic and totality in life is very helpful even when we are serving people around us with great love and care without discrimination.
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